My Too Often Unbroken Heart
Psalm 34:18 [ESV]
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
I think I forget this a lot. I get to thinking that God will be near to me if I am good enough, do my job well enough, think right, make sure I am in control of everything all the time, and basically prove to him that I really don't need him because I'm doing well on my own.
But I don't do well on my own. I don't like who I am on my own. When I try to be on my own, eventually, I find myself devestated. I mess something up or I get overwhelmed and over stressed, and before I know it, I am sinking to the ground and crying out, "Help me! I can't do this without You!"
And that's when I finally find peace and strength to make it through. When I stop trying to pretend that I'm not broken - when I stop trying to hide all the fractures in my heart - I find his peace all around me. When I admit that the weight of my life (and particularly of my sins) is more than my spirit can bear, I find that in those moments I see him more clearly.
What I wonder is, why is it that I so often have to get to the end of my rope before I pray? Why can I not pray when I am just a little bit broken, when I still have some peace for Him to multiply? I suppose my heart is broken in more ways than I want to admit.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
I think I forget this a lot. I get to thinking that God will be near to me if I am good enough, do my job well enough, think right, make sure I am in control of everything all the time, and basically prove to him that I really don't need him because I'm doing well on my own.
But I don't do well on my own. I don't like who I am on my own. When I try to be on my own, eventually, I find myself devestated. I mess something up or I get overwhelmed and over stressed, and before I know it, I am sinking to the ground and crying out, "Help me! I can't do this without You!"
And that's when I finally find peace and strength to make it through. When I stop trying to pretend that I'm not broken - when I stop trying to hide all the fractures in my heart - I find his peace all around me. When I admit that the weight of my life (and particularly of my sins) is more than my spirit can bear, I find that in those moments I see him more clearly.
What I wonder is, why is it that I so often have to get to the end of my rope before I pray? Why can I not pray when I am just a little bit broken, when I still have some peace for Him to multiply? I suppose my heart is broken in more ways than I want to admit.
posted by Ethan Brown | 8:08 AM
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